Long and Winding Road
by Mistletoe Contest
Summary: A year ago, Edward left Bella when her Hollywood lifestyle got out of hand, and she wouldn't acknowledge Edward and their years-long relationship publicly in order to protect her career. He's waited a year for her to come back, and now it's Christmas Eve, their special time of year. Will he get the Christmas Miracle he dreams of?


**Title: **Long and Winding Road

**Summary**: A year ago, Edward left Bella when her Hollywood lifestyle got out of hand, and she wouldn't acknowledge Edward and their years-long relationship publicly in order to protect her career. He's waited a year for her to come back, and now it's Christmas Eve, their special time of year. Will he get the Christmas Miracle he dreams of?

**Pairing:** Edward/Bella

**Rating:** M

**Word count:** 8192

**Long and Winding Road**

I looked at the clock, noting it was nearly six on Christmas Eve and definitely time to close. My last customer had left twenty minutes ago, and glancing out the window, I saw no cars or people moving along the street.

"Might as well start cleaning up, and getting ready to close for the night," I said aloud.

Thump. I laughed, looking to the spot where my golden retriever, Penny Lane, lay under one of the tables. She knew the words close up and was ready to go home. Everyone in town knew Penny and few customers refused to take a moment to give her a pat while waiting for their coffee drink of choice.

"Yeah, Penn, I know you're ready for dinner. Let me get this place cleaned up and we'll go home. Then it's off to Grandma's."

Esme, my mom, insisted on calling herself Grandma to my dog, and Penny knew

Grandma was always good for an extra treat or two. Health code didn't allow me to have my dog behind the counter, of course, and she spent a great deal of time in my office in back, but when things were quiet, Penny would come out and lie under an empty table in front.

Smiling, I grabbed the cleaning supplies and began wiping down tables.

My coffee shop, Cullen's, was on the main drag in our sleepy little mountain village in Colorado. There were your typical tables and wooden chairs, along with some comfy oversized armchairs and a couple couches, spread out before a fireplace. Drawings and paintings from local artists hung on the walls. On this night, soft instrumental Christmas music played through the speakers. There was a piano in one corner, and sometimes, as the mood struck, I would play to entertain the customers. I often had local musicians play in the evenings, as well. I enjoyed bringing the local artists in and giving them this way of getting their work noticed.

The door opened, letting in a blast of frigid air.

"Welcome to Cullen's. I'm about to close, but the coffee is still hot. What can I get ya?"

I turned toward the front and recognized my sister's best friend.

"Hey, Janey, how are you?'

"I'm good." She reached to hug me, rising on her toes to kiss my cheek.

"Alice sent me. Do you know yours is the only place open on the whole street? Time to go home and get ready to go to your parents."

I laughed.

"Did Alice send you with that message?"

She shrugged.

"You know your sister. She was afraid you'd be pouting tonight, and she wanted you to remember you have family and friends who love you and want to see you on Christmas Eve."

Frowning, I turned to go behind the counter to finish cleaning.

"Look, Edward," Janey said, "She loves you and is worried about you. She didn't mean any harm. She doesn't want you to be sad this Christmas. After all, it's been a year."

Sighing, I turned back to face her.

"I know that. I really do. But there doesn't seem to be a time limit on broken hearts, cheesy as that may sound. Alice never had to experience it. She loved Jasper from the moment they met, and he felt exactly the same. She doesn't know what it's like."

"She knows her brother is hurting, and that hurts her. And the rest of us." Janey sucked in a deep breath and looked at me. "We could be good together, if only you'd give it a try. I've known you practically all my life and love you to pieces. I could easily fall in love with you, if I just let myself go. It would be simple for us, like breathing. Maybe what you need to get over her is to let yourself consider getting involved with someone else. You know me, you know who I am, what I think, and where I stand. You know you can trust me not to do the things she did."

I walked back around the counter and took her hands in mine.

"Janey . . ." Pausing, I tried to find the right words. "You're a great friend. You're funny and smart, loving and beautiful. If my heart was free to love anyone else, I could see me falling for you. But my heart as been taken for a long, long time. You know that. Alice knows that. You don't deserve to be second best. I could say sure, let's try it, but it wouldn't be fair. Because it's always been B—"

I broke off. I hadn't said her name in months. If I did now, the pain would tear me apart, and I didn't want that. Not tonight.

"I know. It's always been Bella for you. I thought maybe by now you might be getting over that."

The pain came, crashing over me like a wave. I closed my eyes, waiting as the memories flowed through me, the memories I tried so hard to keep locked away.

I was a sophomore in high school when my dad accepted a position of Chief of Emergency Medicine at a local hospital, and we moved from Washington State to Colorado.

Dad, Mom, my sisters Alice and Rosalie, and me. I was always the quiet one. I mean, let's face it, I was a geek. I'd rather have my face in a book than be out playing sports. I could play, I just didn't enjoy it, unless it was something like track. But I loved things like Star Wars and Star Trek, Tolkien and Douglas Adams. My favorite band was the Beatles, and I'd been teased about that quite a bit.

So, I was nervous about starting at this new school. I wasn't really shy, but I wasn't outgoing, either. I was happiest on my own or with the people I knew best.

The first morning went well, but at lunch, the troops descended, and I was bombarded with questions.

"Where'd you come from?"

"Do you play football?"

"Is that your sister?"

"Do you wanna go out with me?"

"Knock it off!"

A girl with long brown hair shoved her way into the group.

"Geesh," she said, "let the poor guy breathe. And eat. He's not a new toy after all."

Turning to me, she put out her hand. Her smile was warm, making me feel warm, too.

Her brown eyes drew me in. I guess I fell at that very moment.

"Hi, I'm Bella swan. You must be Edward Cullen. I met your sister already. Don't let the gang overwhelm you. They're like a pack of hounds when a new kid starts here. After all, we've all known each other all our lives."

"Fresh meat," I muttered.

"Yeah, that's it. But we're not all like that. What's your next class?"

"Biology."

"Me too! C'mon, I'll show you where the class is and introduce you to some of the nice gang on the way."

From that moment, we were inseparable. I became friends with her friends. We hung out at each other's houses, and our families became each other's families. We professed our love to each other the following summer, and our future seemed to stretch out before me, simply and beautifully, in this place I'd come to love almost as much as I loved Bella.

Janey's voice brought me back to the present. "Yo, Edward . . . Edward. Come back."

She stroked my cheek softly.

"Sorry about that." I moved back behind the counter again and began to finish cleaning the espresso machines.

"Tell Alice I'll be over at the folks' place in about an hour."

I didn't look at Janey. I didn't want to see her own sadness. I couldn't be what she and my sister hoped I would be. Bella had ruined me for every other girl. She was my first, first everything, and she would damn sure be my last.

"Think about it, Edward," Janey said. "See you later."

"Not in your lifetime, thank God." I waited until Janey was gone to say it. But it was true.

I just didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"Ready to go, Penn?"

My dog bounded over to me. She'd never cared much for Janey, even though she was the people dog to end all people dogs, so she'd stayed in her spot by the fireplace while Janey and I talked. Now Penny nudged her head against me, red rubber ball in her mouth, tail waving madly.

"Silly girl. Hold onto that ball until we get home."

Snapping her leash to her collar, I looked around, making sure everything was turned off.

I gestured for the dog to sit and picked up my laptop and keys. Swinging my messenger bag over my shoulder, I walked to the door.

"Penny, come."

As we stepped outside and I prepared to lock up, the snow began to fall. The flakes were soft and light now, but the wind would pick up and I expected we'd have a heavy snowfall soon enough. Penny snapped at the snow as we ran to my truck. I knew she'd be running and rolling in it as soon as there was enough snow. The thought made me smile. For the past year, it seemed only Penny Lane and my shop could make me smile. Without Bella—

I squashed that thought. Not tonight. No brooding tonight.

"Hop in, Penn."

My golden girl jumped into the back seat and I slammed the door, hurrying around to get into the car.

The first thing I did when we arrived home was to let Penny loose in the yard. I stood watching her gallop around, chuckling at her silly ways. She flopped on her back and started rolling around, creating the golden retriever version of snow angels. I could always count on Penny to make me laugh, or at least to make me feel less lonely.

"Dinner time!" I called and she leapt up from her games, rushing to my side, tail waving like a flag.

After preparing the food for my dog, I headed for my room to shower the day away. I let the water pound on my shoulders, hoping it would ease away the tension. I would need to put on my happy mask for the family tonight, or my mother would start to worry. She'd already worried far too much about me in the past year. Sighing, I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. It was going to be damn hard to pretend tonight.

As I began to dress, I glanced over to my nightstand where I kept a picture of Bella and me, the first Christmas we were together as a couple. Dad had taken the picture, catching us just after I'd dragged her to a doorway where mistletoe hung and kissed her with all my might. She was blushing, and I was wearing a shit-eating grin. I stared at the picture a long time. At last, I sat down on my bed losing myself in memories I'd been forcing back all day.

"Bella, finally you're here!" I wrapped her in a hug where she stood at the front door.

"Sorry I'm late. I had trouble starting the truck in this cold."

"That truck—"

"Don't harp on my truck. Here, I brought some cookies. Where's Esme putting the food?"

"In the dining room. C'mon. Did you make those seven-layer cookies?"

"Maybe."

She tossed her head, and I grinned, watching her hair swing around her, the highlights shining in the lights of the entry.

"Tease," I said, tugging at a lock of her hair.

"You know it."

Laughing, we ran to the dining room, where Mom was arranging the table.

"Oh, Bella, you've arrived," Mom said. "Edward's been pacing the floor. What'd you bring? Give it to me and I'll find a spot."

"Thanks, Esme."

Bella handed over the plate of cookies.

"Wait, wait, I want one. Or two."

"Edward, you just wait. No stealing cookies right now. Why don't you take Bella into the living room? Everyone's there."

"Okay, Mom."

As she turned her back, I reached to the plate of cookies and grabbed one.

Bella laughed.

"You'd better take me to the living room," Bella said, taking my hand. "Besides, I need to talk to Alice for a minute."

"Wait. I wanna show you something first."

Leading her by the hand, I dragged her toward the TV room. There was a connecting door to the living room, and there Dad had hung some mistletoe. I pulled Bella till we were standing under the mistletoe and pulled her into my arms.

"Do you know it's been several hours since I kissed you? I can't wait anymore."

I tipped her face and kissed her. There was nothing like the feeling of kissing Bella. Our lips moving together, our tongues meeting and tangling. My body hardened. I wanted her so bad.

The taste and feel of her set every nerve ending I had tingling and burning for her. I pressed her against me, letting her feel my desire for her, never wanting to let her go.

At last, when we were both breathless, I ended the kiss. That's when I heard my dad laugh and saw the flash of the camera.

"Dad!"

"Carlisle!"

Bella and I protested together, but we were laughing. Bella was blushing, and I was feeling proud. My girl was so beautiful, so alive and happy, so kind and giving. And she was mine. There couldn't be any better feeling in the world.

Everyone rushed to greet and hug Bella. My family loved her as much as I did, well, not quite as much, but it was close.

"Alice, I need to talk to you for a minute," Bella said, hugging my sister.

"Okay."

The two girls turned to go to Alice's room. Looking back over her shoulder, Bella winked at me.

"Meet me under the mistletoe in half an hour," she whispered.

I grinned. I'd be there. I'd be anywhere Bella was, anywhere she wanted to be.

"It's a date," I replied, and we smiled at each other.

It became our thing. Every Christmas, we'd make a date to meet under the mistletoe. One of us would say "in such and such time, meet me under the mistletoe," and the other would say, "it's a date." And until the previous year, neither of us had missed the date. But last year she had forgotten, too caught up in her new life and new friends, too focused on the demands of her celebrity.

In our senior year of high school, my brother Emmett had dared Bella to try out for a play. She'd done it and gotten a part, and from then on, she'd found her calling. She tended to be shy in her everyday life, but on stage she became the character. She could play anything, as long as they didn't expect her to sing or dance. She told me once that she didn't feel shy when acting, because she wasn't Bella at those moments, she was whoever she was playing. In college, she'd been performing in a play when she was approached by a talent scout who'd been looking for a fresh new face for a director who wanted to cast his movie with unknowns. The rest, as they say was history. She'd made the movie, and the world had fallen in love with her charm and seeming innocence. She'd moved to Hollywood, and of course, I'd followed her there. We couldn't be separated from each other, after all.

Things began to change. Bella's agent, a slimy character named Jake Black, whom I distrusted at first glance, gradually began to move Bella away from me. He insisted that she needed to be considered single for a while, that she was now the sweetheart of the movies, and every man, and some women, wanted her. The public couldn't have their fantasies spoiled by knowing Bella had a long-term boyfriend. She had to be seen in the company of various Hollywood desirables and bad boys. Movie premiers, award shows, any big public moments had to be done without me at her side. She had to attend the biggest and best parties. She began drinking, and Jake Black began giving her pills to help her energy levels during hectic periods.

Suddenly, I hardly recognized my Bella anymore. What had happened to the fresh beautiful girl I'd known for so long? She was buried under this mask of Bella the Hollywood sweetheart, and I didn't like who she was becoming.

We began to fight. I'd beg her to make us public, to stop the wild parties and the booze and drugs. She'd accuse me of not supporting her career. I also supported her career. I went to every release, even if I couldn't be at her side. I gave her massages after long days of shooting. I was finishing my degree in business management and planning to open a coffee shop. I was a good cook and could make a cup of coffee taste like the finest ambrosia. Bella always said she was totally behind the idea of the coffee shop, but inside, I didn't feel like we were heading in the same direction. Our paths were diverging, and hard as I tried, eventually I knew we couldn't go on this way much longer. I didn't like being her dirty little secret.

The final break came when Black decided that Bella needed to have a pretend boyfriend.

Oh no, not her real boyfriend, not a nobody in the business. No, she had to be thought to be hooking up with America's favorite bad boy, someone who desperately needed his reputation cleaned up a little. Black insisted that Bella go out in public with the guy multiple times, even to be seen kissing him, anything to convince the public that they were the newest hot item.

At last I rebelled.

"Are you crazy?" I yelled when Bella told me the news.

"Don't yell at me! It doesn't mean anything, after all. It's just Hollywood."

"Damn it, Bella, do you even hear yourself? What next? If Black asks you to sleep with this guy to make it look good for the public would you do that? I'm your damn boyfriend and I'm fucking tired of being hidden in the shadows. I want you to admit you're in love with me. I want you to tell the world about us. I feel like I'm something you're ashamed of. I hate this!"

I slammed my fist on the table.

"Please, Bella, we can't go on like this. I can't go on like this."

"Whine, whine, whine, would you just quit bitching. You've become such a clingy baby, Edward. This is for my career. I do this all for my career, and for us."

I scoffed.

"For us? Tell me, what the hell does kissing another man, intimately and in public, have to do with us?"

"Look, once I'm established, and my future is certain, we can go public. I can do a big scene about being reunited with my childhood sweetheart and it will be a great story. Even Jake says it will play nicely with the public when the right time comes. The right time just isn't yet."

"Oh, even Jake says?" I mocked her tone. "When did Jake become the one to determine anything about you and me?"

"Oh, grow up!"

She rose and started pacing around the room.

"I know this situation isn't ideal. I know it hurts you, and I'm really sorry about that. Just be patient with me a little longer. Why don't you work on getting your restaurant thing started? It's what you want to do, and maybe, if you concentrate on that, you'll feel better about things. As soon as I can get out of this deal Jake's gotten me into, I'll make things right. I really will."

Three weeks later, everything went to pieces, and I couldn't take anymore. Bella had gone to another of those Hollywood parties. I was home, putting together my business plan, when Bella came in, quiet and subdued.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"I need to tell you something. It'll be in the magazines and online tomorrow. Probably is online now. I don't want you to hear from anyone else."

She began to cry, and I rushed to take her in my arms.

"Bella, love, what is it? Whatever it is, we can work it out together."

I stroked the hair out of her face and brushed the tears from her cheeks.

"I don't think this can be fixed."

She sat up, gently pushing me away.

"What is it?"

"Well, you know I went to that party with Riley, the actor Jake has had me going out with?"

I nodded.

"Well, we were there, and the drinks were flowing. And—"

"And other stuff was flowing?"

"Um, yeah. Well, Riley and I were kissing—you know we're supposed to be seen doing that, remember—and . . . Oh God, I don't want to tell you this!"

"Just spit it out, Bella." My stomach seemed to twist, and I thought I might throw up. This couldn't be good.

"Well, I was pretty high, and even though I told Riley no, he kept the kissing me, pressing me into the wall. Then Jake came up and made this big deal about ushering us to a private room. He told the other guests that we needed privacy to take things further. They all clapped. Before I knew it, we were in a room alone and Riley really thought we were going to do it." Bella's head was in her hands at this point. "There were paps everywhere. I'm pretty sure the pictures are out already."

I shivered; cold all over. Was I going into shock? I felt dead, numb. My phone chimed with a text. Without thinking, I opened it. It was a shot of Bella, with Riley's face pressed against her breasts. Her face was turned away, but the shot certainly looked like she was into it, into him.

"Please say something."

Really? What could I possibly say to that?

"Bella, was this the first time?"

"Of course!"

But she looked away. Unable to meet my eyes.

"I think you're lying."

Becoming defensive, she chuckled. "Oh, come on, of course it is and isn't the first time!

You knew about the kissing! Nothing ever went as far as it did tonight, and of course, nothing but some kisses got in the papers or anything. Damn it. Don't look at me like that! It didn't mean anything to me, none of the times. I don't even like Riley."

"I see."

Then the anger and betrayal flashed over me.

"Really? It doesn't mean anything, you don't even like him, but you let him kiss you all the time! How many times have you been in the papers kissing him? What else would you let him do for the sake of your career? Who else would you let do anything to you for the sake of your career? You can't even look me in the face and tell me it doesn't matter. You can't lie and say he forced his attentions on you. The pictures will show you willingly, even eagerly participating. This picture, from one of our friends, shows you really getting into it with him!"

My temper fizzled as fast as it had blown up. I felt nauseated.

"I'm gonna throw up." I rushed to the bathroom, emptying my stomach, wishing I could die from the searing pain of Bella's betrayal.

I packed up and left that night. It was Christmas Eve. I'd put up our mistletoe and had been waiting for her to come home. And all the time, she'd been living it up, coming damn close to crossing the line into full on cheating.

I'd ached with missing Bella every minute since I'd left. I told her I'd be here when she was ready to get her life together and come home. Not that I wanted her to give up her career, but other actors managed to have a career and have loving committed relationships. I blamed the changes in Bella on Jake Black and the lure of celebrity. Somewhere, maybe well hidden, was still my Bella, the girl who befriended me that first day, the girl I'd loved ever since, and the girl I would love forever. Now, all I had to do was wait for her to find that girl again in herself.

I jerked out of my reverie as I felt a cold nose touch my face. Penney Lane sat in front of me, having finished her dinner. Her gaze eager, expectant, just waiting for the next adventure.

I patted the bed beside me, and she jumped up, licking my face.

"Good girl. Ate all your dinner?"

Her mouth opened in a goofy doggy grin, as her tail brushed along the comforter. I petted her softly. She is as loyal as they come, and though she was a people dog, nothing could ever tear her away from me.

"I'd better finish getting ready so we can get to Grandma's. She's gonna kill me if I don't show up."

Penny jumped off the bed and ran to the front door.

"Not yet, Goofy."

I laughed and finished getting ready, shoving away the memories once again.

I was in no mood for celebrating when I arrived at Mom and Dad's. The memories had soured my mood, but I knew I had to pretend. Mom lived for Christmas, and my dad was even worse. Once he'd drunk a couple cups of the spiked holiday punch, he'd be dragging all of us to the piano, pleading with me to play while everyone sang carols. Normally, I loved it; loved seeing my dad so free and unfettered with worries about his job or us. Tonight, I didn't care much.

"You can do this." I said aloud, encouraging myself.

Penny wagged her tail.

"Good girl. That's right, we can do this. Let's go see Grandma."

She ran ahead of me to the door, looking back at me as if to tell me to hurry up.

Opening the door, I took off the leash and let my crazy dog run in to greet the gang.

"Edward, merry Christmas!"

Mom hugged me tight, and few things felt better than an Esme Cullen hug.

"I'm glad you came. I was afraid you might decide to stay home."

"I told you I'd be here." I kissed the top of her head, and then wrapping an arm around her shoulders, I walked deeper into the house.

"Yes, but Janey said you seemed sad, and I just thought—"

"Yes?"

"Oh, I just thought you might be feeling the blues and might decide to stay home and revel in them. I'm glad you proved me wrong. Go on into the living room to see everyone.

Penny, come with me, I have a special treat for you."

Panting excitedly, Penny gave me one look and trotted off after my mom.

I wandered toward the living room, carefully keeping my gaze from any possible mistletoe—I couldn't bear the sight of the stuff these days—and found my dad, sister and brother, along with a few friends and spouses there. Everyone was laughing at some remark my brother, Emmett, had just made. I stopped to observe before they noticed me.

A fire crackled in the fireplace, bringing warmth and a homey feeling to the atmosphere.

The Christmas tree stood in its usual corner, lights twinkling and decorated beautifully. Alice, dressed in jeans and a red sweater, was sitting on the floor, leaning back against Jasper's knees.

Emmett stood in the middle of the floor, gesticulating as he told his story. His wife, Rosalie, sat on the couch watching him, a smile on her face. Dad sat in his recliner. Janey was there as well as a couple doctors and wives I knew by sight from past parties of my parents. There were some neighbors and longtime family friends. My niece, Lily, was sitting on Dad's lap. She was the first to notice me standing in the doorway.

"Uncle Edward!" She jumped off Dad's lap and ran at full speed to greet me. I braced as she threw herself at me, and I scooped her in my arms.

"Hey, Lily, has Santa come yet?"

"Not yet, silly. I hafta go to bed before it can be tomorrow. Santa will come after I'm asleep and then tomorrow I can get up and all the presents will be there. That's what Mommy says anyway."

"It's true," I replied.

"Christmas is a magical time, did you know, Uncle Edward?"

"Yes, it is magical."

"Daddy says wishes and dreams come true at Christmas like nowhere else."

"Does he really?"

"Yup. And I been wishin' for bunches and bunches of things!"

I kissed her cheek. "I hope all your wishes come true." How I longed for my wishes and dreams to come true. But the wishes of a grownup are far more complicated than those of a six-year-old.

Sitting Lily on my shoulders, I moved into the room to say hi to everyone. We were all close, and I didn't know how I would have survived the last year without my family by my side.

They'd kept me sane and alive, refused to let me wallow in my misery, and done all they could to make sure I knew how much they loved me. It was good to be here with them, and I felt glad that I had come.

We ate a lot of food, sang all our favorite Christmas songs, talked, and laughed long into the night. Janey acted as if the incident at my shop had never occurred, which made it easier for me to be around her. Occasionally, I'd catch Alice looking from me to her, but she didn't say a word. Penny followed everyone around, making sure to get her fair share of attention. It ended up being a great Christmas Eve, even though I hadn't believed I could enjoy Christmas without Bella. Was I beginning to heal? No, the ever-present ache in my soul told me otherwise.

"See you tomorrow," I told Mom, as I prepared to leave. "It really was a great night."

"Good. Drive carefully. The roads are pretty bad. Are you sure you don't want to stay here tonight? Your room's all made up."

"I don't have far to go. I'll call you when I get home." I kissed her cheek, shook Dad's hand, and taking Penny's leash in hand, walked out to my car.

Driving slowly and cautiously toward my home, I sang along with the Christmas music on the satellite radio. Penny snored in the back seat, exhausted from a night of play. My somber mood of earlier seemed to be gone. I felt relaxed and tired. I was sure I'd be able to sleep without dreams and without waking in the middle of the night, my arms reaching toward that empty spot where Bella used to lie.

After Penny had done her business and had a snack of baby carrots, I poured myself a glass of wine and lit the gas fireplace. Reaching for the remote, I turned on some music, and sat back, just watching the fire, letting my mind and body rest and grow sleepy. I dozed and dreamed someone was knocking at my door. My muddled brain remembered the conversation with Lily and I wondered if Santa was knocking because there was no chimney.

"Woof!" Penny's bark rang through the room and woke me up all the way. She was standing by the door, tail wagging, panting with excitement. There was a knock. It hadn't been a dream after all.

Groaning and stretching, I made my way to the door, wondering who could be here. I glanced at my watch to see it was after 1:00.

"Hang on. I'm coming." I said as another knock came. I flung open the door and the words I was about to say died on my lips as I saw who was standing and shivering on my porch.

"Bella?"

It couldn't be! Surely, I was still dreaming, wasn't I? After all, she'd been in my thoughts all day as I relived last year's miserable Christmas. This could not be my glamorous Hollywood girl, this woman in jeans and an old sweatshirt of mine, no makeup, hair pulled into a careless ponytail, old worn sneakers on her feet, shoes I thought she'd thrown away years ago. Was this really Bella?

We stood, staring at each other for a long moment. Finally, I tried to speak again.

"Bella?"

She began to cry. Great wrenching sobs poured from her throat and tears raced down her cheeks. I tried not to do it, but years of comforting Bella overrode my common sense. I stepped forward and took her in my arms. With a wail, she collapsed against me, burying her face on my

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so damn sorry!" The words repeated over and over, between gasps and sobs. She clung to me, shaking with the strength of her crying. Picking her up, I kicked the door shut behind me and carried Bella over to the couch. I sat down, holding her in my lap, motioning to Penny to lie down. Bella continued to cry and apologize. I stroked her hair, saying nothing, letting her get it out. I didn't know why she was here, and at that moment, I didn't give a damn. She was here, and that was all that mattered. We would have to deal with things, but for that moment, it felt so good to have her in my arms again, that I just couldn't think about the hurt of the past.

"Shhh, love, quiet now. It's gonna be okay. Shhh."

At last, after what seemed hours, and with my sweater drenched, Bella's tears subsided into small gasps and hiccups. She pressed her head against my chest once more, and I thought I felt a soft kiss before she raised her face to mine.

"Do you have any Kleenex or something?"

"Stay right here. I'll get some for you."

I stood and headed to the bathroom, glad of a minute to myself. Why was she here? What had happened? Was she here to stay, or did she just need a safe harbor till she got back on her feet? I grabbed a handful of tissues and went back to her, seating myself beside her but not touching.

"Thank you."

She took the tissues from me and began to wipe her face. I watched her in silence.

"I didn't know you got a dog," she said. "You always wanted one, though. She's pretty."

"Yes, she is."

We were quiet again, while Bella continued to pull herself together. I looked at her and was dismayed at what I found. She was painfully thin. Her eyes looked weary, puffy and drawn and from more than just crying. Her hair looked lifeless, not the shiny healthy flowing mass I was used to seeing. There was grief and pain in the lines of her face. She looked broken, and I hated seeing that look on her. My old protective instincts came alive and I wanted to hurt whoever had done this to her.

Bella stopped wiping her eyes and blowing her nose and started fidgeting with the tissues in her hand. She looked around my living room, reached down to pet Penny, looked at the fire. I thought she was doing everything not to look me in the eyes. But at last, she couldn't find anything else to consider, and she turned to me.

"I suppose you're wondering what I'm doing here?"

"Um, yeah, you could say so."

"Well, you said . . . you said when you left, that I could always come home. That you'd be waiting. Edward, is that . . . is that still true?"

I nodded.

"Well then, I've come home. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't live that way anymore, and I . . . oh Edward, I couldn't live without you anymore. I missed you so much. I wasn't me without you. I couldn't be me without you. I couldn't be anything without you."

I felt joy rising in me, but I kept my voice calm, hardly daring to hope. "What do you mean?"

Taking a deep breath, she continued.

"When you left last year, I was pissed off. I didn't understand for a long time. I thought you were jealous of my career, that you were abandoning me, because you were jealous of my success. I thought you should understand that some things had to be done for the sake of my career, and that if you were just patient, things would go our way in time. Jake encouraged me to think that. He told me over and over how you weren't cut out for the life of being the boyfriend—or husband—of a star."

Pausing, she gathered herself and went on. "The pictures of me and Riley created quite the buzz. Jake was ecstatic. He thought it was exactly what I needed. My popularity went through the roof, and it seemed nothing could stop me. I was getting offers right and left. Riley's image improved and he was ecstatic, too."

"Oh goody."

My sarcasm hit her, but she just lowered her eyes and accepted my reaction.

"Riley and I continued to see each other, and I told myself it was okay. You hadn't wanted me and he did. He was funny and sexy, and why not? But inside . . . inside there was always you. Anytime I thought I could go further than just the photo op kisses with Riley, your face would flash in front of my eyes. That look of betrayal you had when I told you what happened that last night. I could never go through with it."

She took my face in her hands and looked deeply into my eyes. "Edward, I never did anything with Riley or anyone else after that night. Yes, okay, I did kiss and encourage him for a while. I was mad, and I did it out of spite. But I never let him touch me. Anytime he tried, I'd laugh and shove him away. And I swear to you, I never had sex with him or anyone else. It's only been you. You were my first, my only and you'll be the last. If you'll have me back?"

She spoke the last words in a tiny voice, as if she dared not say them too loud for fear I'd hear and give her a negative response. I couldn't say what she wanted me to say, not quite yet.

The joy and hope in me were singing louder, threatening to overflow in me, but I fought them back a little while longer.

"Why have you come back, Bella?"

"I couldn't stay away anymore. I was miserable. Every minute of every day I missed you.

A few months ago, I told Jake and Riley I wouldn't play along anymore. Riley was cool with it, but Jake hit the roof. He went on and on about how Riley and I were the perfect couple, how all the paps and the tabloids were over the moon with us, we were Hollywood's It couple, and how I couldn't do this to him."

"Oh yeah, that sounds like Black," I said. "The only thing he ever cared about was himself, and how your career bolstered his."

"Yeah, I know that now. I fired him that very day, and I spent the next few months getting my life together. I had to find Bella again. I went into counseling, dried up, cleaned up. I found another agent, one who told me I could definitely have a career and the boyfriend of my choice. I guess—"

She hesitated. I reached for her hand and smiled slightly.

"Go on," I said.

"I guess I was so overwhelmed when we first went to Hollywood. Jake was the first agent who offered to take me on, and he seemed so confident and sure of himself, I just believed all the crap he spewed at me. I'm not always very sure of myself, you know, and I was even less sure of who I was as an actress. The success and fame happened so fast, and I kinda lost me in it all. I guess, well, you leaving me, was the wakeup call I needed. Because, Edward, if you aren't in my life, there is no living for me. I'd give it all up if you asked, right now."

"I never wanted you to give it up. I just wanted you to have your career, be a famous actress, but still be my girl, and someday, my wife."

"I know. I finally realized that. Once I took care of getting me together. I faced up to all the damage I'd done to you and to us. I took a good hard look at me, and I knew I could live without everything else, but I couldn't live without you. I went searching for the whole world, when all the time, the only world that mattered was right there by my side, where you'd always been. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes." I couldn't resist any longer. I lunged at her, taking her in my arms, and holding her as tightly as I could. With a wordless cry, she pressed herself against me, clinging just as hard. Our lips met in a fierce kiss, reuniting, reclaiming, reaffirming. Oh, we had much to work out. Trust would have to build again. Too much had been shattered. But none of that mattered to me at that moment. All I knew was that Bella was here. Bella was in my arms, and I'd be damned if anything took her away from me again. Maybe I should have confronted her sooner.

Maybe I'd let her slide downhill too long before I tried to stop it. Maybe I had complained too much, not understood enough. Relationships take two to make or break, my dad had always said.

I had to have a part in all that had gone wrong between us. But for now, she was here, she was with me, and I didn't care about all the rest.

"I love you, Edward, I love you. Only you." Her lips whispered the words against my skin. She kissed down my throat, and I shivered with desire for her. It had been so long.

"I love you, too. Only you, forever. There's been nobody else for me either."

Her hands slid down my sides and under my sweater. Her touch was soft and gentle, and it sparked something in me that had been dormant far too long. My body remembered those touches and craved them. My cock hardened, and I heard Bella giggle as she felt it against her.

"Hmmm, I see something hasn't forgotten."

"Indeed. It's missed you as much as I have." I wanted her badly.

"I'm here. I'm real. See." She took my hands, placing them on her breasts. "All yours."

I lifted the sweatshirt over her head, and she helped, freeing her arms, reaching behind to unclasp her bra. For a few minutes, I just stared at her beauty. Yes, she was too thin, too tired from sorrow, but she was beautiful.

I traced her stomach and moved slowly up to her breasts. I stroked them, squeezing gently, flicking at the nipples which hardened under my touch. I smiled. Her responsiveness always thrilled me, heightening my own. I bent forward to capture a nipple in my mouth, suckling it while I played with the other, never letting up on my touching. She moaned, as I released it, but sighed when I switched, taking the other nipple in my mouth.

"Oh, baby, that feels so damn good."

"Mmmm," I said, suckling harder.

Her hands roamed my body, sliding down and rubbing me through my pants. I groaned.

With one hand, I pressed her hand harder against me, urging her to continue. She gave a triumphant little laugh and squeezed me more.

"Edward, please, please make love to me. I can't stand it."

I might regret this tomorrow, I thought, but the thought flew away as I swept her into my arms and walked down the hall to my bedroom. Tomorrow could take care of itself. For now, we were together, and I felt whole for the first time in a very long year.

I laid Bella on my bed, and began to remove her clothes. I admired each piece of her I revealed to my hungry gaze. I stroked her everywhere, teasing her clit, sticking one finger inside her to feel her warm wetness. I stood back and just looked for a long time, until she began to squirm under my gaze.

"Please."

I chuckled. "Are you eager?"

"Yes, damn it, hurry!"

I threw my clothes off much faster than I'd removed Bella's, and climbed on the bed, taking her body against mine. "You feel so fucking good," I said, "and you're so damn beautiful."

"So are you."

I kissed her then. How many times had she said that to me? I continued to kiss, moving down her body, stopping at her breasts, moving to her stomach and down to her pussy, savoring the scent and taste of her.

"Mmm, you still taste as delicious as you ever did." I spoke the words against her clit, and let my tongue flick out to it, circling and sucking till she was crying out and gasping my name. Kneeling, I looked at her, face flushed, eyes wide, filled with desire and lust. "Are you ready for me?"

"Yes!"

"Hang on, this probably isn't going to be gentle." I slid into her, and my own gasp of pleasure blended with hers. I was home. In Bella, surrounded by her, warm and wet and wonderful. "Oh, Bella, Bella."

I started to move, slowly at first, then building to a pounding rhythm. Her legs wrapped around me, and she met me thrust for thrust, eager as I.

"Too long, it's been too long."

I didn't know who was saying what anymore. I only knew this was everything. She was here, I was in her, and nothing could be better than this. I felt my climax coming, and I reached down to play with Bella's clit.

"Come on, love, come for me. Let it happen. Let me feel you tight and hot around my cock." I pinched her clit once more, and her orgasm crashed over her. She screamed and that was my undoing. I came, crying out my own release, feeling the wonder of it through every part of me. I clutched her to me, wishing I need never separate my body from hers. At last, her legs relaxed, and I slid carefully out of her. I turned to take her in my arms.

"I love you," she said.

"I love you, too." I untangled myself from Bella and stood up.

"Where you going?"

"I'm just gonna go let Penny Lane in. She'll cry all night if she's shut out of the bedroom."

"Penny Lane. That's so you."

Penny rushed in as soon as I opened the door. She looked around, gave Bella her doggy grin and curled up on her bed. Smiling, I slid back in bed and gathered Bella in my arms, spooning her against me.

"I know we have a lot to work through," Bella said, "But—"

"Hush, don't worry about that. Tomorrow is soon enough to start working it out. For now, you're here, and if you're not going away, that's all I need to know."

"I'm not going away. I promise."

"Then just lie here in my arms, and go to sleep. You are so tired, and now you can rest."

"Mmmm. That sounds so good."

I kissed her hair. "Sleep now, my Bella. You're safe. I'll be here when you wake up."

"Okay."

She was barely awake, and I smiled contentedly at the sleepy tone.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Meet me under the mistletoe?"

"It's a date." I made the promise, and I knew I would always mean it.

Sighing, she snuggled closer and fell asleep. I tightened my arms around her, almost afraid she'd disappear before the light of day. This all could still be a dream, I thought. I laid my cheek against hers and pulled her closer. Dream or real, this was heaven. Everything I could ever want was here in my arms. Every wish and dream had come true. Christmas Eve was a magical time, just as Lily had said.

"Good night, my love," I whispered the words against her hair. "Merry Christmas."

Thump went Penny's tail. She sighed and laid her head back on her paws. I drifted into sleep, finally at peace.

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